Here is the first version of my script. I feel quite pleased with it but I know that there is still room for improvement. I will show it to a few of my peers and family to gage where it’s faults are.
I first asked Maddy:
She said that she liked the bits in brackets before most of the dialogue because it makes it clear to the actors and readers how exactly the line should be said. She suggested that the different scenes should be more clear as the passage of time isn’t that obvious, and maybe that the wife should have been buried longer than just a few days before the film is set. Maddy also mentioned that there might be a little too much dialogue considering I am filming outside, so I will take this into consideration and maybe practice recording sound outside to understand what the struggles might be.
I then asked Vicky:
Vicky told me that there ought to be a little more dialogue between the man and woman when arguing, as it seems like a big over reaction for him to kill her after only seeing a few lines of dialogue. She said that I could make the panic scenes more clear by describing what exactly happens to Andy, rather than just ‘he panics’.
Finally, I asked Megan:
Megan said that I should name the shot types of all the scene descriptors so that everybody is clear about what is being filmed. She also stated that she thought some of the ‘cut to’ and ‘dissolve to’ transitions were a bit randomly placed and not always consistent, making it a little difficult to follow at times. This can be easily be rectified by re reading the script and just making alterations where possible.
Through getting feedback on my script, I now have a clear idea of how to make my script more easy to understand. I will re read my script and check that all of the different scenes are clear and do not overlap so that my script will correspond with my storyboards and prop list better. I will practice recording sound outside to get an idea of how difficult it might be and then I will change the dialogue on my script accordingly. I will include a sound bridge from the over the shoulder shot looking at the finger, to the scene where the couple are arguing to make it seem like they have been arguing for a longer period of time. I will ask people to read the script aloud for me so I can get an impression as to whether the final scene is long enough or not, and I will then make alterations. I will clearly describe how Andy behaves when he goes into states of panic so that it is clear to everyone involved in the creation of my short film. I will go over my script and add more shot types where possible, as a reminder to me and the actors what to film, with the aid of my storyboards.
Hopefully, with this help in mind I will be able to create a much more clear and detailed script which will be a great help on the day I film.